Penguin
A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel Schönbrunn when he found a penguin walking along the road.So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.
He said to the policeman "I found this penguin on Hietzinger Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Schönbrunn. What should I do with it?"
The policeman looked at the man and said "It's obvious what you should do with it! Take the penguin to Schönbrunn Zoo.
The man said "Of course, I'll take it to the zoo" and he left the police station with the penguin under his arm.
The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?"
The man replied "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."
God and the man
A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time,so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time,so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"
Two Balloons
Two balloons were floating across the desert.
One balloon said to the other:
"Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"
One balloon said to the other:
"Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"
What's 3 x 2?
A little boy returned home from school and told his father that hehad failed the maths test.
His father asked him, "Why did you fail?"
The boy replied, "The teacher asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?' and I said'3 x 2 is 6'."
"Well, that's right" said his father.
The little boy continued, "Then she asked me 'How much is 2 x 3?"
"What the hell is the difference?" asked the father.
The son replied, "That's exactly what I said to my teacher and that'swhy I failed the maths test.
His father asked him, "Why did you fail?"
The boy replied, "The teacher asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?' and I said'3 x 2 is 6'."
"Well, that's right" said his father.
The little boy continued, "Then she asked me 'How much is 2 x 3?"
"What the hell is the difference?" asked the father.
The son replied, "That's exactly what I said to my teacher and that'swhy I failed the maths test.
Worms
It was the first day of Biology for a group of teenagers. Theprofessor had arranged a short demonstration for the class.
He took a worm and dropped it into a glass of water. The wormwriggled about in the water.
Then he took a second worm and dropped it into a glass of alcohol.The worm immediately died.
The professor asked the students if anyone knew what the point ofthe demonstration was.
A boy raised his hand and said, "You're showing us that if we drinkalcohol, we won't have worms."
He took a worm and dropped it into a glass of water. The wormwriggled about in the water.
Then he took a second worm and dropped it into a glass of alcohol.The worm immediately died.
The professor asked the students if anyone knew what the point ofthe demonstration was.
A boy raised his hand and said, "You're showing us that if we drinkalcohol, we won't have worms."
